I told my professor that I interview a couple that was polygamous. Below is what I wrote:
As I stated in my proposal, the only exposure (to what?) was via a TV show but the family in the show believed that was the way to live due to their religious background. The family is Mormons and believed that in order to continue the teaching of the religion a man must have multiple wives and children. Prior to this experience, I thought that a truly healthily romantic relationship should be between two people. As a grad student social worker, I want to learn more about how others live, as I believe it will make me a more effective social worker. This class has challenged me to explore different ways of thinking and in this project I decide to speak to a person who is a polygamous relationship.
According to Coontz (2006), Polygamy means multiple spouses. The most common form is polygyny, where a man can have many wives. Less common, but found in some societies such as Tibet, is polyandry, where a woman can have many husbands. Kings practice this way of life in order to ensure that they are plenty of heir. Rich men also practice polygamy in order to produce more sons (Coontz, 2006). The Plain Indians in America practice this style of living; when the men acquired guns and horses from the Europeans and started to kill more buffalo for the fur trade, the most successful and richest hunters began to marry more wives (Coontz, 2006).
The University of Wisconsin conducted a survey of more than a thousand societies in 1998 and found that just 186 were monogamous, 453 had occasional polygyny and in 588 more it was quite common. In 2003, New Scientist magazine suggested that, until 10,000 years ago, comparatively few men had sired most children. Variations in DNA, it said, showed that the distribution of X chromosomes suggested that a few men seem to have had greater input into the gene pool than the rest. By contrast most women seemed to get to pass on their genes. Polygamy is common in Senegal; 47 per cent of marriages are to multiple women. The Salt Lake Tribune reported to in 2005, that as s many as 10,000 Mormon fundamentalists lived in polygamous families. (Vallely, 2010).
With this information in mind, I reached out to a person in a polygamy relationship via social media. I would be referring to this person as A.E as she did not want her name to be shared. A.E is a 26 year old, cisgender, Irish, bisexual female. A.E stated that she was has been polygamous since 2014. A.E stated that was has been in many monogamous with both cisgender males and females for many years. A.E stated that she is currently dating a male and female and has been in this current relationship since 2016.
She stated that she met her current boyfriend and girlfriend via a meet up app. A.E stated that the polygamy relationship is more than just sex and more of a deeper connection. She stated that she feels that she is getting more attention and enjoy exchanging energy with her partners. She is living with both of her partners in a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn New York. A.E stated that they have a sleeping schedule with one another in order to make it fair.
A.E stated that she does not usually inform people that she is in a polygamous relationship due to not wanting to be judge. She stated that she told her sister and friends but no one else in her family knows. A.E stated that her male partner has informed his family and love ones and her female partner is open about informing others. She stated that feels that she will tell her parents during the holiday seasons due to not wanting to keep secrets with her family. A.E stated that she is not sure if she will be polygamous for the rest of her but this is what she is happy with currently.
Prior to meeting with A.E, I was very anxious about asking questions and what answers I would get. I believed going into the interview that it was mostly someone wanting to have sex without feeling that they cheating on their partner. A social worker impact when working with any client is to be non-judgmental. Practicing a non-judgmental attitude when working with a client that is polygamous might make them feel comfortable sharing more information. Speaking with A.E I attempted to create a safe space and informing her that we could stop at anytime and she does not need to answer any questions.
Social workers engaging in an exploration of values may discover that automatic responses and reactions are based more on their socialization to favor traditional family forms than on a careful exploration of the lifestyle in question. Traditional values tend to support assumptions that describe certain lifestyles as intrinsically unhealthy and indicative of disturbance, they often blind the social worker to the particular problems that may be troubling that client (Sprenkle & Weis, 1978).
A social worker should check their biases when working with a poly client. If a social worker’s personal values are at odds with the client, the worker should address it. Speaking about the differences during a session could help worker get through their negative biases (Weitzman, 2006). If a social worker cannot work with a poly client, they should be referring to another worker.
When working with a poly client, worker should display compassion. Merriam –Webster Dictionary defines compassion as a “sympathetic consciousness of other’s distress together with a desire to alleviate it”. Workers could use Compassion focused therapy adopts the philosophy that our understanding of psychological and neurophysiological processes is developing at such as rapid rate the we are now moving beyond schools of psychotherapy towards a more integrated, biopsychosocial science of psychotherapy (Gilbert 2009). Worker using compassion could help with a poly clients will help them moving forward with what the client’s issues are. In contrast, if a worker is ridge with their way of think it could prevent the worker from helping the client.
I would like to be a school social worker and speaking to A.E helped me realized that a student could be feeling as if the world is not meant for them. While I was interviewing A.E, I felt as if I was gaining more empathy for someone who does not identity to whatever the social norm. I enjoy learning about A.E’s lifestyle and felt that it was important to gain more knowledge about the topic. This project has taught me to explore any blind spots that I may have in social work in order to be more effect in helping clients.
References page
Coontz, Stephanie, 2006 Polygamy: A Historical Background; A Facts Sheet Prepared for the Council on Contemporary Families. URL https://contemporaryfamilies.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Coontz2006_Polygamy-fact-sheet.pdf
Gilbert, P. (2009). Introducing compassion-focused therapy. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 15(3), 199-208. doi:10.1192/apt.bp.107.005264
Girolametto, L. and Weitzman, E. (2006) It takes two to talk—The Hanen program for parents: early language intervention through caregiver training. In: MacCauley, R.J. and Fey, M.E. Eds, Treatment of language disorders in children, Brookes, M.A., Baltimore, 77-104.
Sprenkle, Douglas H.; Weis, David L. Extramarital Sexuality: Implications for Marital Therapists. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, v4 n4 p279-91 Win 1978 URL: https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ193677
Vallely Paul,2010 The Big Question: What’s the history of polygamy, and how serious a problem is it in Africa? URL: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/africa/the-big-question-whats-the-history-of-polygamy-and-how-serious-a-problem-is-it-in-africa-1858858.html
Her feedback:
There are two fundamental issues with the current paper. One is that the assignment calls for a 10-12 page paper. It is the only written assignment of the semester, and incorporated the midterm. Unfortunately, you have only 4 pages of content. Two is that you wrote about polygamy but the person you interviewed was polyamorous (sometimes called consensual nonmonogamy). Those are two different things, one of which is legal and the other is illegal. There were readings on the syllabus about polyamory that were not included and that you could have used as a starting point.
Suggestions:
Start by reviewing key content on polyamory and consensual nonmonogamy and the distinction from polygamy. The books are available via electronic copies on the library website and the articles are there as well.
1) Dodd, S.J. (2020). Sex-Positive Social Work. Columbia University Press. Chapter 4 (pp. 94 & 164 – 173).
2) Williams, D. & Prior, E. (2015). Contemporary Polyamory: A call for awareness and sensitivity in social work. Social Work, 60, 3, 268-270.
3) Andres, M. (2021). What the Heart Wants: Polyamory, Compersion and Monogamish Arrangements. In Dodd, S.J. (Ed.), The Routledge International Handbook of Social Work and Sexualities (pp. 134-148).
4) Routledge
Parsons, J., Starks, T., DuBois, S., Grov, C. & Golub, S. (2013). Alternatives to monogamy among gay male couples in a community survey: Implications for mental health and sexual risk. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 42, 308-312.
5) Barker, M. (2004). This is my partner, and this is my ….partner’s partner: Constructing a polyamorous identity in a monogamous world. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 18, 75-88.