Below are some comments to help you revise your essay: -. -Proofread . -Your int
Below are some comments to help you revise your essay: -. -Proofread . -Your introduction is practical. My biggest problem is that the first two sentences do not seem to fit. I would delete it and try another opening altogether. -Keep in mind that this introduction works for this paper. In other papers, this style might be too cumbersome. -The paragraph on OCD is complicated to follow. I think the first sentence loops back onto itself. I feel the analysis of the lines is good, but ultimately, it is unclear how they relate to the initial claim in the paragraph. Further, the section after “in addition” seems unrelated to the rest of the paragraph. I also don’t think it is your strongest argument. Focus on one aspect at a time. Establish ideas fully before moving on. -NEW RULE FOR YOU: IF YOU USE AND MORE THAN ONCE IN A SENTENCE, YOU ARE TO STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT HAVE A RUN-ON. -Sorry for the above, but you are making such intelligent points and using elegant language that these run-ons tend to jar the reader. It’s like flushing a toilet during the quiet part of a sympathy. -I am not getting a sense of purpose in your conclusion. I want you to think about why your ideas matter.